i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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