I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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