He felt like a one man threesome
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
