I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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