; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
