i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
