I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think people are normalizing furries
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
