Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She told me I should be a condom model.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
