I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize