U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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