at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
