watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
