I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
