I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
