You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
