conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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