As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
