Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize