Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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