So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
