Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
