he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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