i think my mom watched the whole time
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
