We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
