I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
