first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize