no, he came in my armpit
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
