nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
