so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
