so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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