there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
