He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
