You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
