sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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