You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
