He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
