we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
