I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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