you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
