I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
