I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
