Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
