Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
