just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
