I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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