Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
