I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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