Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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