"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
