my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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