i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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