We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
