I cockslap morals
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
