I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
