Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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