Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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