toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
