Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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