I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
