College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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