Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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