I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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