So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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