He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
