The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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