I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
