Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
