Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
