Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
