i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize