I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
