does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
