I smell stomach acid.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
