Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
