i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am naked and annoyed.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
