The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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