btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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