My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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