What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
