I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
