I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
