I seem to have left my pride at pride
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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