I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need water and some morals
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
