No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
