so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
