i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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