my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
