Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
