I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
