I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
