You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
